Breakdown.

Lots to catch up on so I will be brief.....maybe! 

A couple of weeks ago on a Friday I was stressing about some things coming up in life.  I prayed and cried and told Heavenly Father I needed some extra help.  Saturday I had a total breakdown.  Joe had been gone for a few weeks, I was working a ton, managing everything at home, prepping and stressing about Sierra moving home.  I was driving to Springfield -2 and a half hours away for a guard competition- and Sierra called me to tell me she was headed to the ER again for pain in her knee.  She had another small bit of news as well that I won't share, as it isn't a big deal, but that day it sent me over the edge I had been hanging onto for dear life.  I drove and cried and called my poor boy because my mom didn't answer and with Joe gone HD was the next go to.  He was at the gym but dutifully answered the phone and listened to me cry and told me everything would be alright.  He is a great kid.  I drove some more, cried some more and arrived at the school feeling vulnerable but better.  Saw Haylee right before they competed and she told me she wasn't going to compete because her knee was hurting her too badly. (It was mysteriously swollen a few days before that).  She felt terrible I had driven all that way but there was nothing to do about it at that point. I told her I didn't mind and found a seat to watch the team.  But seriously when a person is mid-breakdown and said person has driven a long way to see a child perform and said child sits out this competion- it was like rubbing salt in an open wound.  I was brave and smiled and waved at my beautiful girl so she would know it was ok. A lady sitting next to me said something extra nice and I almost started bawling again.  After the performance I hugged Haylee and told her I would see her at home.  Drove the 2 and a half hours back crying and talking to a dear friend and my mom on the way home and prayed a lot.  It was a rough afternoon.  I got home in time to go to the adult session of stake conference but I had zero desire to go.  However, I thought if I wanted the Lord to come to me then I had to go to Him also and He was going to be at stake conference.  I decided the first priesthood holder I saw that I knew I would ask for a blessing.  I cried a little more and off I went.  (Goodness,I was a mess!) thankfully I saw a member of my bishopric pretty quickly after arriving and he gave me a beautiful and helpful blessing.  I knew that I would be alright and I would have enough strength to handle the trials and stresses in my life.  Before I got my blessing I wondered why I had had this kind of day.  Why, when I asked Heavenly Father for help, had things gotten seemingly worse?  I realized then that I had been prompted many times in the last several weeks to get a blessing but I had not done it. Heavenly Father had some things he needed to tell me but I had not taken the step he had prompted me to take.  Thus I got a push over a cliff so I would seek Him.  Lesson learned!  :) I cried a little more that night and in the days since but I feel peaceful about the direction things are going and I know I am not alone.  I am so thankful that I know of the love my Father in Heaven has for me.  That he wants to bless me and communicate with me clearly in the way that I would easily understand.  I should also add that I am thankful for the priesthood power that has been restored to the earth and for the men who worthily hold it and use it.