Today

If I try to type why it's been so long since I posted we won't get anywhere so fast forward one year to today.  I had lunch with a good friend (Michelle -thrift shop) who just moved to Texas.  Her husband is retireing!  It seems all our friends are retiring and yet here we are. Once Joe puts on Chief Nov. 1 we owe the AF 3 more years.  We will likely stay until 30 but who knows.  Anyway, it was nice to visit with her and Nicole who also met us there.  We had a good lunch and a nice chat. Then I went to work for a couple of hours.  Can I say I still LOVE my job!  The flexibility in the hours when I do office assisting is fab and I LOVE the days I work as a Dental Assistant.  I am thankful every day for the skills I have learned and to have my certification.  This afternoon I had signed up to give blood because a cute young woman who I adore had organized the drive.  I have never given blood before.  I know, I know I'm lame. I was feeling a little nervous but I have wanted to do it forever so I signed in and waited my turn. When they called me back they verified I was who I said I was and then poked my finger to check my iron levels.  A few weeks ago, HD and Kass had donated blood and Kass's iron was low so they had her take a pregnancy test which came back inconclusive, the tech who was assisting her misunderstood and ended up asking HD when his wife was due.  When he told the story he said "Mom!  I almost fell off the table!!!"  Ha ha ha it was hilarious.  Anywho, back to me she puts my little blood droplet in the checker thing and it comes up that my iron is an 11.7, too low to donate blood.  She tells me they can check the other hand but that another nurse has to do it. The new lady comes in and pokes my other finger and it came back low too!  No donations from Tara today.  Super lame.  I was all ready to go and then......rejected.  I have been back on MyFitnessPal the last five weeks and have been eating super healthy so I am not sure why my iron is down. Maybe it always has been!?  Who knows really. Anyway, I still got a sticker and a pin.  I will try to get my iron levels up and donate soon somwwhere else.  This is my scared but ready face.....
Ok just kidding I have no idea how to add pics from here.  I'll have to do figure that out later.
I came home for a few then headed back to the church for enrichment night.  We painted mini temples and learned a little about family history.  It was great.
Also, Haylee tried out for the school musical.  Auditions were Tuesday and Wednesday and call backs were today.  She was one of only 13 kids to get called back so I think that's a good sign.  She was worried she wouldn't have time due to her having sonmany honors classes but she is handling everything really well and she has had a blast just at auditions.  We find out tomorrow if she gets a part.  (Side note I think everyone will have a part in some way but we will find out if she has more of a speaking part or just part of the background chorus peeps) she is super funny and has great comedic timing so I think she may get an actual part.  We will see!
That's all for tonight folks!  Good to be back in the blogging world.

General Women's conference

I am so thankful for this time of year for many reasons tonight I am thankful it is conference time again.  You can watch conference on the Internet at lds.org, or byutv, or listen on the BYU radio app, OR go to any local lds chapel and watch in the chapel.  While staying home in our pjs and watching always sounds preferable, the First Presidency has asked that we go to the chapel to watch conference.  Tonight the girls and I did just that.  It started off with a great talk about gossip and being kind.  It was sister Brighton from the general primary presidency.  She was great!!  The second speaker was Carol Stephens from the RS presidency -parts of her talk hit us right in the heart.  She told a story about a young lady who had some massive mental challenges and who was having a "floor day" meaning she was on total sensory overload and could not dealwith anything not sound or light or touch.  Sister Stephens told of how the girls mother laid on the floor with her for over an hour repeating "I would do anything to take this pain from you" over and over again.  That got both Sierra and I crying.  Then she said as the mother and daughter lay there and the mother says again "I would do anything to take this pain from you." The daughter looks up and says "you don't need to.  Someone took it from me already.  He took it from me."  In the midst of the daughters pain and was able to testify of the atonement. What a powerful moment between a suffering daughter and a grieving mother. I know exactly how that mom feels.  It is heartwrenching.  Then Bonnie Oscarson Spoke.  She was great too.  She told us that sisters needed to known the bedrock of the doctrine of the gospel.  That we need to be bold and clear in our teachings.  The concluding speaker was President Uctdorf.   He was of course wonderful.  He spoke a lot about faith and the things that it could and could not do.  He also told some cute stories and one that involved the missionaries knocking on every single door for FOUR floors of apartments.  At the last door, after everyone else turned them away, a young girl answered and convinced her mom to let them in.  That young girl is his wife.  :)  I am so thankful for inspired leaders. More than once I felt like they were speaking just to me.  To our family to our situation.  Amazing.  Can't wait for conference to continue next weekend.  

Smarty pants!

Our Haylee girl. She is a smarty.  Sometimes a too big for her own britches smarty but I wanted to blog a moment from the other day. A few days into high school I tell her I have a couple of books I know she would like and ask her to pick one to take to school with her when she has time to kill in class. (She is never excited about my book suggestions because she thinks I have no idea what I am talking about.  Shocking, I know.)  I tell her I want her to read either "The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate" or "Inkheart" instead she reaches into her bag and *nerd alert* two days in high school and she has already been to the library.  She pulls out some book about black holes I'll have to ask her the name of it again and plug it in here later. I tell her I think she would really like either of the books she suggested and she tells me "Sorry Mom, I am just really interested in Astrophysics right now."  What the heck? Who is this geeky kid? Goodness gracious.  That girl is going to set the world on fire one day.  Love that she has a mind of her own and USES it!  :)

Book club

It was For the last six months or so I have been participating in a book club.  When I went to the first meeting Joe looked at me incredulously and said "really?!? You are adding something else to your calendar? You are so busy already!!"  I realized that i am busy but also that everything I do, I do for other people.  Not that I don't get enjoyment out of the other things I do, I love volunteering  at the thrift shop and serving in my calling and being a key spouse etc.  But not one thing was just for pleasure, just for me. I love to read and often find myself re-reading books over and over again.  I have a hard time researching new material.  This book club has been just the thing!!!  While I haven't loved every single book I have read things I would not have picked up and have really enjoyed some of them.  We meet the first Tuesday of each month.  It is a small group but we are open to adding more members and I hope to see it grow a bit.  I am thankful for the new friendships it has opened up and for the excuse to have just some me time.  It has been a wonderful!! Tonight our discussion was on "Harry Potter and the cursed child" it was very interesting to hear everyone's different points of view.  Whoever picks the book hosts the group and Lorna's cute husband decided we needed butter beer for our Harry Potter night!  So cute that he took the time to make it for us!!  

We also had ice cream to celebrate Amy's birthday. 

It was a sweet night!  :) 

This months book is Frankenstein which no one is very excited to read but hey you never know. 

Sierra suffering part 2

2 posts in 2 days.  A record.  Sierra slept last night.  A huge blessing.  She didn't sleep really well but she did sleep.  I got about four hours before waking up and not being able to get back to sleep before it was time to get Haylee up for school.  Took Haylee to school, came home and Sierra was awake so I made her breakfast. In the process of making her breakfast I dropped the yogurt and it hit the floor and splattered all over and also knocked a shelf out of the fridge. Got that cleaned up and as I was putting the shelf back the glass jar of olives fell off the shelf and broke spreading oil and glass all over the floor. The bonus of that is as I was on my hands and knees cleaning up the glass I realized the good news that there was more yogurt under the fridge.  *sigh* I was DONE with today by 9 am. I made Sierra lunch so she could rest as much as possible. I needed to spend some time at the thrift shop so I listened to some conference talks and got ready to go.  I prayed on the way to base and cried as I drove and poured my heart out.  

I got myself together and worked at the thrift shop for a few hours before I get a text from Sierra stating she had thrown up in my bathtub.  I decided I needed to call the pain doc again (the old one since it's the TPI's that they did that are hurting) they kindly said go to the ER.  A little less kindly I said that is ridiculous.  I cannot take her there everyday. What else can we do.  Doc A said he guessed he just can't help her and we needed to talk to her PCM. Really??? So frustrating. I called the PCM and left a message.  About that time I remember I have a cousin who has shots of Zofran at home that she injects when she can't keep pain or nausea meds down. Sierra talks to her PCM and they suggest doubling her current dose of nausea meds. (Seriously? She has been puking from pain for YEARS and just now you decide to let us know she can actually take a stronger dose of meds. Grrrrrr. So frustrating!!!). Her PCM tells her the pain doc will prescribe those meds. I call the pain doc back and she says no he won't prescribe that.  He never does. The PCM needs to do it. I hung up on her.  I am not proud of that but I was beyond over the whole situation. NO ONE will help us.  No one cares that Sierra is suffering so greatly.  Sierra just took two pills instead of one of the nausea meds.  Joe, Haylee and I headed to the first football game of the season.  Sierra stays home to rest.  While we are gone she throws up three more times. I get home change clothes and pack a bag for the ER.  This whole situation is crazy.  I refuse to believe that this is our only option but at the same time what are we supposed to do.  She is so tired of being in pain.  Something has got to give.   I hope the days between now and the first go quickly. We need to get the new pain doc in the game quickly.  We are losing this battle a billion to three and it really sucks.  So so much. 

Watching her suffer is breaking me into tiny pieces. I am running out of super glue to hold us all together.  big breath.  Hold on. One more minute. One more hour. Hold on. 

Sierra's suffering

I have been wanting to start a medical journal/blog/history all about Sierra for awhile now.  It seems I can never find the time to sit down and write.  This is our family blog but I need to write tonight and am not going to set up a new blog right now.  We have been to the ER twice this week.  Sunday night and Monday night.  Sierra had a terrible migraine that was causing her to vomit repeatedly.  Two nights of sitting and waiting.  The first night it took them about 3.5 hours to get her treated; the second night it took 6.  We waiting for two hours in the waiting room for people to go ahead of us who were laughing and talking, getting snacks out of the vending machines, watching shows and doing homework on their laptops.  Sierra had her head in her hands, eyes covered and a barf bag in front of her.  The ER is a tough place. 

Monday during the day -before our second ER trip- brought new hope.  Sierra was finally going to have trigger point injections in her back and her legs.  She had been waiting a patient through her pain for months.  Her pain doc is lazy and a drug pusher, he does not listen to her at all.  He is not into other forms of pain relief.  We have not been happy with him but were trying to stick it out.  I have no idea why.  Why do we do that to ourselves? Why can't we say  "You are not listening!! Please listen closely so we can work together to get this under control." Sigh. Trying to be positive and hopeful and nice does not always pay off.  Giving the doc the benefit of the doubt is not always the right thing to do.  Anyway, when we first got to the docs they put us in an exam room where we sat for 15 minutes before they came in and told us the injections had not yet been approved by our insurance company.  I was surprised because she has had injections before.  Sierra was so frustrated and sad. By the time we got to the car she was bawling. I called the insurance company right away.  After the dozen and a half phone prompts I was able to figure out that the injections HAD been authorized. Back into the hospital we go.  Got the injections and headed out.  Monday evening her headache was bad bad bad, side note we told her pain doc about the ER trip the night before. He didn't address it at all.  His answer to everything is "yeah, yeah, yeah, ok" Dumb. ended up in the ER for the second time -that was the six hour night (got home just before at 4a.m.) 

Thankfully I didn't have to work so i went to bed.  Tuesday Sierra complains of terrible back pain.  She has had injections before and not felt this way.  We rest her, try heat, ice, meds etc....no pain relief.  The good news is her headache is better.  Wednesday comes and her back is still out of control painful. We call the doc to ask if this is normal.  Sierra talks to a nurse and she reports that the doc "isn't going to give you more medicine." Uh that's not what we asked. We asked if it was normal.  She says the doc said if she can't take it we should go to the ER.  What kind of answer is that??  We don't want to go to the ER. Why does her back feel like it is seized up? What should we do?  No answers.  Frustrating does not begin to cover it. Thursday (today the 25th) we had a scheduled appointment with a new pain doctor at the university of Kansas hospital.  I almost cancelled the appointment because I didn't want to seem like we are drug seekers but after the bad TPI's on Monday I decided we needed to get a second opinion.  We saw Dr. Lattif (reason four thousand for a medical blog to keep track of all the doctors and procedures.  Seriously it is a billion) Dr. Lattif was awesome.  Super awesome.  He took a lot of time with Sierra.  He listened closely and did a thorough physical examination pinpointing the exact muscle groups that are bothering her in her back and legs.  He changed a couple of her medications and is going to do TPI's on September 1st.  We were very pleased with our plan going forward.  This evening still Thursday...Sierra is crying in pain.  I have no idea what to do.  No. Idea.  I am tapped out.  Absolutely exhausted.  I got her in bed and tucked her in.  I told her I would sleep in the basement other her.  I will sleep in a chair outside of her room. I have an orange bulb in the lamp.  It gives off a warm glow.  I am at a loss for what to do.  Got on my knees and prayed for relief for Sierra.  For her to find the strength to endure it. For the Lord to carry her through.  I am trying, I am weak. 

Latest and greatest

I shall use pictures to tell all the news. :)

These two are getting MARRIED!  In this temple (Bountiful) 7 weeks from tomorrow!!  

My favorite proposal pictures 

They are so cute!! 

This awesome girl won a scholarship from the Whiteman Spouses Club!!!  Free money is the best!!

Joe went TDY to Diego Garcia.  He was gone for four weeks.  This is such a cool shot of the B-2 while they were there. 

I need to get some more pictures off his phone that he took while he was there. 

Haylee and I visited the farm while he was gone. The baby lambs are the cutest! 

Selected this pic on accident but I'll leave it here since it is a good one of D and Cosmo.

I won two awards!!!!  Key spouse of the quarter for the 509th maintenence group and then I won at the wing level!  So that was for the 509th bomb wing. 

I felt pretty fancy. :)!

We went to a Royals game!  They played the Nationals.  It was so fun to see our "home" team play our DC team.  

We were a house divided.  Honestly if I had had some Nats gear I would have worn it! 

Our favorite Nats player, and fellow Mormon boy lol, Bryce Harper. 

We were hoping he would hit a home run but no such luck. The game was actually super boring!  Only two runs scored the whole game.  Lame. The Nats won and Haylee was happy. 

She also requested a picture of Kauffman stadium.  It was great to be at "The K" 

Tonight this girl is sick. 

So is this boy. 

Last thing this is Haylee's awesome self portrait!!!  She drew this in art class!!!  It is so good!!