Smarty pants!

Our Haylee girl. She is a smarty.  Sometimes a too big for her own britches smarty but I wanted to blog a moment from the other day. A few days into high school I tell her I have a couple of books I know she would like and ask her to pick one to take to school with her when she has time to kill in class. (She is never excited about my book suggestions because she thinks I have no idea what I am talking about.  Shocking, I know.)  I tell her I want her to read either "The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate" or "Inkheart" instead she reaches into her bag and *nerd alert* two days in high school and she has already been to the library.  She pulls out some book about black holes I'll have to ask her the name of it again and plug it in here later. I tell her I think she would really like either of the books she suggested and she tells me "Sorry Mom, I am just really interested in Astrophysics right now."  What the heck? Who is this geeky kid? Goodness gracious.  That girl is going to set the world on fire one day.  Love that she has a mind of her own and USES it!  :)

Book club

It was For the last six months or so I have been participating in a book club.  When I went to the first meeting Joe looked at me incredulously and said "really?!? You are adding something else to your calendar? You are so busy already!!"  I realized that i am busy but also that everything I do, I do for other people.  Not that I don't get enjoyment out of the other things I do, I love volunteering  at the thrift shop and serving in my calling and being a key spouse etc.  But not one thing was just for pleasure, just for me. I love to read and often find myself re-reading books over and over again.  I have a hard time researching new material.  This book club has been just the thing!!!  While I haven't loved every single book I have read things I would not have picked up and have really enjoyed some of them.  We meet the first Tuesday of each month.  It is a small group but we are open to adding more members and I hope to see it grow a bit.  I am thankful for the new friendships it has opened up and for the excuse to have just some me time.  It has been a wonderful!! Tonight our discussion was on "Harry Potter and the cursed child" it was very interesting to hear everyone's different points of view.  Whoever picks the book hosts the group and Lorna's cute husband decided we needed butter beer for our Harry Potter night!  So cute that he took the time to make it for us!!  

We also had ice cream to celebrate Amy's birthday. 

It was a sweet night!  :) 

This months book is Frankenstein which no one is very excited to read but hey you never know. 

Sierra suffering part 2

2 posts in 2 days.  A record.  Sierra slept last night.  A huge blessing.  She didn't sleep really well but she did sleep.  I got about four hours before waking up and not being able to get back to sleep before it was time to get Haylee up for school.  Took Haylee to school, came home and Sierra was awake so I made her breakfast. In the process of making her breakfast I dropped the yogurt and it hit the floor and splattered all over and also knocked a shelf out of the fridge. Got that cleaned up and as I was putting the shelf back the glass jar of olives fell off the shelf and broke spreading oil and glass all over the floor. The bonus of that is as I was on my hands and knees cleaning up the glass I realized the good news that there was more yogurt under the fridge.  *sigh* I was DONE with today by 9 am. I made Sierra lunch so she could rest as much as possible. I needed to spend some time at the thrift shop so I listened to some conference talks and got ready to go.  I prayed on the way to base and cried as I drove and poured my heart out.  

I got myself together and worked at the thrift shop for a few hours before I get a text from Sierra stating she had thrown up in my bathtub.  I decided I needed to call the pain doc again (the old one since it's the TPI's that they did that are hurting) they kindly said go to the ER.  A little less kindly I said that is ridiculous.  I cannot take her there everyday. What else can we do.  Doc A said he guessed he just can't help her and we needed to talk to her PCM. Really??? So frustrating. I called the PCM and left a message.  About that time I remember I have a cousin who has shots of Zofran at home that she injects when she can't keep pain or nausea meds down. Sierra talks to her PCM and they suggest doubling her current dose of nausea meds. (Seriously? She has been puking from pain for YEARS and just now you decide to let us know she can actually take a stronger dose of meds. Grrrrrr. So frustrating!!!). Her PCM tells her the pain doc will prescribe those meds. I call the pain doc back and she says no he won't prescribe that.  He never does. The PCM needs to do it. I hung up on her.  I am not proud of that but I was beyond over the whole situation. NO ONE will help us.  No one cares that Sierra is suffering so greatly.  Sierra just took two pills instead of one of the nausea meds.  Joe, Haylee and I headed to the first football game of the season.  Sierra stays home to rest.  While we are gone she throws up three more times. I get home change clothes and pack a bag for the ER.  This whole situation is crazy.  I refuse to believe that this is our only option but at the same time what are we supposed to do.  She is so tired of being in pain.  Something has got to give.   I hope the days between now and the first go quickly. We need to get the new pain doc in the game quickly.  We are losing this battle a billion to three and it really sucks.  So so much. 

Watching her suffer is breaking me into tiny pieces. I am running out of super glue to hold us all together.  big breath.  Hold on. One more minute. One more hour. Hold on. 

Sierra's suffering

I have been wanting to start a medical journal/blog/history all about Sierra for awhile now.  It seems I can never find the time to sit down and write.  This is our family blog but I need to write tonight and am not going to set up a new blog right now.  We have been to the ER twice this week.  Sunday night and Monday night.  Sierra had a terrible migraine that was causing her to vomit repeatedly.  Two nights of sitting and waiting.  The first night it took them about 3.5 hours to get her treated; the second night it took 6.  We waiting for two hours in the waiting room for people to go ahead of us who were laughing and talking, getting snacks out of the vending machines, watching shows and doing homework on their laptops.  Sierra had her head in her hands, eyes covered and a barf bag in front of her.  The ER is a tough place. 

Monday during the day -before our second ER trip- brought new hope.  Sierra was finally going to have trigger point injections in her back and her legs.  She had been waiting a patient through her pain for months.  Her pain doc is lazy and a drug pusher, he does not listen to her at all.  He is not into other forms of pain relief.  We have not been happy with him but were trying to stick it out.  I have no idea why.  Why do we do that to ourselves? Why can't we say  "You are not listening!! Please listen closely so we can work together to get this under control." Sigh. Trying to be positive and hopeful and nice does not always pay off.  Giving the doc the benefit of the doubt is not always the right thing to do.  Anyway, when we first got to the docs they put us in an exam room where we sat for 15 minutes before they came in and told us the injections had not yet been approved by our insurance company.  I was surprised because she has had injections before.  Sierra was so frustrated and sad. By the time we got to the car she was bawling. I called the insurance company right away.  After the dozen and a half phone prompts I was able to figure out that the injections HAD been authorized. Back into the hospital we go.  Got the injections and headed out.  Monday evening her headache was bad bad bad, side note we told her pain doc about the ER trip the night before. He didn't address it at all.  His answer to everything is "yeah, yeah, yeah, ok" Dumb. ended up in the ER for the second time -that was the six hour night (got home just before at 4a.m.) 

Thankfully I didn't have to work so i went to bed.  Tuesday Sierra complains of terrible back pain.  She has had injections before and not felt this way.  We rest her, try heat, ice, meds etc....no pain relief.  The good news is her headache is better.  Wednesday comes and her back is still out of control painful. We call the doc to ask if this is normal.  Sierra talks to a nurse and she reports that the doc "isn't going to give you more medicine." Uh that's not what we asked. We asked if it was normal.  She says the doc said if she can't take it we should go to the ER.  What kind of answer is that??  We don't want to go to the ER. Why does her back feel like it is seized up? What should we do?  No answers.  Frustrating does not begin to cover it. Thursday (today the 25th) we had a scheduled appointment with a new pain doctor at the university of Kansas hospital.  I almost cancelled the appointment because I didn't want to seem like we are drug seekers but after the bad TPI's on Monday I decided we needed to get a second opinion.  We saw Dr. Lattif (reason four thousand for a medical blog to keep track of all the doctors and procedures.  Seriously it is a billion) Dr. Lattif was awesome.  Super awesome.  He took a lot of time with Sierra.  He listened closely and did a thorough physical examination pinpointing the exact muscle groups that are bothering her in her back and legs.  He changed a couple of her medications and is going to do TPI's on September 1st.  We were very pleased with our plan going forward.  This evening still Thursday...Sierra is crying in pain.  I have no idea what to do.  No. Idea.  I am tapped out.  Absolutely exhausted.  I got her in bed and tucked her in.  I told her I would sleep in the basement other her.  I will sleep in a chair outside of her room. I have an orange bulb in the lamp.  It gives off a warm glow.  I am at a loss for what to do.  Got on my knees and prayed for relief for Sierra.  For her to find the strength to endure it. For the Lord to carry her through.  I am trying, I am weak. 

Latest and greatest

I shall use pictures to tell all the news. :)

These two are getting MARRIED!  In this temple (Bountiful) 7 weeks from tomorrow!!  

My favorite proposal pictures 

They are so cute!! 

This awesome girl won a scholarship from the Whiteman Spouses Club!!!  Free money is the best!!

Joe went TDY to Diego Garcia.  He was gone for four weeks.  This is such a cool shot of the B-2 while they were there. 

I need to get some more pictures off his phone that he took while he was there. 

Haylee and I visited the farm while he was gone. The baby lambs are the cutest! 

Selected this pic on accident but I'll leave it here since it is a good one of D and Cosmo.

I won two awards!!!!  Key spouse of the quarter for the 509th maintenence group and then I won at the wing level!  So that was for the 509th bomb wing. 

I felt pretty fancy. :)!

We went to a Royals game!  They played the Nationals.  It was so fun to see our "home" team play our DC team.  

We were a house divided.  Honestly if I had had some Nats gear I would have worn it! 

Our favorite Nats player, and fellow Mormon boy lol, Bryce Harper. 

We were hoping he would hit a home run but no such luck. The game was actually super boring!  Only two runs scored the whole game.  Lame. The Nats won and Haylee was happy. 

She also requested a picture of Kauffman stadium.  It was great to be at "The K" 

Tonight this girl is sick. 

So is this boy. 

Last thing this is Haylee's awesome self portrait!!!  She drew this in art class!!!  It is so good!!  

Busy-ness

I bet half of my blog post titles could be summed up in one word.  BUSY.  It never seems to end but when I am overwhelmed with it all I try to remember that we are blessed to be healthy and to have so many activities and work and friends that we don't have a free moment!  I have still been working a lot.  That should ease up next week.  Which is happy and sad.  Happy because maybe I will have time to clean my house and go to the grocery store, but sad because I love working at the dental office.  The boss called me in this week to ask if I was happy with the arrangement for me to fill in and not have a permanent job there.  I told him I was happy and liked the flexibility that being a PRN offers.  He said he did not want to lose me so if at any point I decided I needed 14 hours a week or 20 hours a week -whatever- to let him know and he would make it happen.  It has been such a great experience to work for the Heath's!! 

Since I blogged last Haylee competed in the state Science Olynpiad meet.  She did not place in any of her events but she had a great time and learned so much!! She also competed with her guard team in the state championships.  They placed 7th out of 9 I think....she did not love guard but she hung in there and made some new friends.  I am so proud of her for doing this activity which was way outside of her comfort zone.  She auditioned for fall guard ended up not making the team she is an alternate and wasn't super disappointed about it.  She is looking forward to high school and all of the other activities that will come with that.  

Sierra moved home about a week and a half ago.  It is what needed to happen so we could stabilize her overall health.  It has been nice to be able to take care of her but not fun watching her pain overtake her at times.  We ended up in the ER last night because she just couldn't take her ankle pain anymore.  She had thrown up almost a dozen times from the severity of her pain. She couldn't keep pain meds or anti nausea meds down.  Pretty miserable for her. 

This is how I left her when I went back to work after lunch: 

Puke bowl, remote, laptop and ice on her ankle.....

This is at the ER.  The blue bag is for barf, she is hunched over because her pain is raging.  

We got her in and they gave her a shot of Zofran and 6mm of morphine.  It was a huge relief when the pain started to subside.  I can't imagine what she goes though on a daily basis.  Thankfully her ankle has been much better today. It is heartbreaking to watch her suffer.  I am talking to a few new docs though and we are hopeful we will get some things under control so she can go on with her life.  

Church is busy too.  We (Mary and i) are teaching at our relief society conference tomorrow.  I have been pondering about what to speak of for weeks and of course the perfect thing comes to me at 10:00pm the night before.  I think the ladies will enjoy the class so I am looking forward to it.  Speaking of that.  I better get to bed......night all! 

M

Breakdown.

Lots to catch up on so I will be brief.....maybe! 

A couple of weeks ago on a Friday I was stressing about some things coming up in life.  I prayed and cried and told Heavenly Father I needed some extra help.  Saturday I had a total breakdown.  Joe had been gone for a few weeks, I was working a ton, managing everything at home, prepping and stressing about Sierra moving home.  I was driving to Springfield -2 and a half hours away for a guard competition- and Sierra called me to tell me she was headed to the ER again for pain in her knee.  She had another small bit of news as well that I won't share, as it isn't a big deal, but that day it sent me over the edge I had been hanging onto for dear life.  I drove and cried and called my poor boy because my mom didn't answer and with Joe gone HD was the next go to.  He was at the gym but dutifully answered the phone and listened to me cry and told me everything would be alright.  He is a great kid.  I drove some more, cried some more and arrived at the school feeling vulnerable but better.  Saw Haylee right before they competed and she told me she wasn't going to compete because her knee was hurting her too badly. (It was mysteriously swollen a few days before that).  She felt terrible I had driven all that way but there was nothing to do about it at that point. I told her I didn't mind and found a seat to watch the team.  But seriously when a person is mid-breakdown and said person has driven a long way to see a child perform and said child sits out this competion- it was like rubbing salt in an open wound.  I was brave and smiled and waved at my beautiful girl so she would know it was ok. A lady sitting next to me said something extra nice and I almost started bawling again.  After the performance I hugged Haylee and told her I would see her at home.  Drove the 2 and a half hours back crying and talking to a dear friend and my mom on the way home and prayed a lot.  It was a rough afternoon.  I got home in time to go to the adult session of stake conference but I had zero desire to go.  However, I thought if I wanted the Lord to come to me then I had to go to Him also and He was going to be at stake conference.  I decided the first priesthood holder I saw that I knew I would ask for a blessing.  I cried a little more and off I went.  (Goodness,I was a mess!) thankfully I saw a member of my bishopric pretty quickly after arriving and he gave me a beautiful and helpful blessing.  I knew that I would be alright and I would have enough strength to handle the trials and stresses in my life.  Before I got my blessing I wondered why I had had this kind of day.  Why, when I asked Heavenly Father for help, had things gotten seemingly worse?  I realized then that I had been prompted many times in the last several weeks to get a blessing but I had not done it. Heavenly Father had some things he needed to tell me but I had not taken the step he had prompted me to take.  Thus I got a push over a cliff so I would seek Him.  Lesson learned!  :) I cried a little more that night and in the days since but I feel peaceful about the direction things are going and I know I am not alone.  I am so thankful that I know of the love my Father in Heaven has for me.  That he wants to bless me and communicate with me clearly in the way that I would easily understand.  I should also add that I am thankful for the priesthood power that has been restored to the earth and for the men who worthily hold it and use it.